Time is a precious gift

Sunday August 29th, 2010


Hi, it's the insomniac here getting in my usual midnight bathroom runs and snacks. I forgot to mention yesterday something very important. It actually was told to me on Friday, after Marie's game. See, I knew how bad Marie wanted to be on her varsity volleyball team and how sad she was @ not making that team. Her mom told me after her win on Friday that she had missed a few days of tryouts for varsity to spend those days with me in Wisconsin Dells. That really touched my heart. I couldn't be more proud of her, someone so young making a choice like that, to give up something you set your heart on to be with someone special in your life. I never had a child but really enjoyed helping raise her. I told Joyce & her family what she had done for me and I couldn't help but praise her and hug her and of course I started crying. Marie came to me later last night and we talked about it and we held each other's hands. I told her that I wish I was her Godmom and that I'd be her unofficial one. I remembered when she was little and I had her out & about, she asked me if she could call me "Mom". I told her "no" at that time and followed, "because if you're bad, I can say, 'Wait til we get home & I'll tell your mom'", that way people would know the misbehaving child wasn't mine. To tell you the truth, she never misbehaved. I was there when she was born and I enjoyed watching her grow with all the milestones she's reached thus far and I hope to experience more. She has a lot of good values. One fun thing I'll always remember, she was way too young to see our brother and her "gumpa" (grandpa) when they were in the ICU's at their respective hospitals when they were ill. She didn't care what was waiting for her on the other side of the door, them with their tubes and all, she told the hospital staff, "That's my uncle/gumpa in there" and she wasn't going to let age keep her from seeing them. That's what you get by having too many medical people in the family. She's been very brave and comforting when I have my little breakdowns since I started this journey. Summer is over, school is in session, it's time to let her be a teenager. Don't get me wrong, I do love my other nieces and nephew, I just spend the most time with Marie.

We had quite a few visitors over today, and not just for me. My brother had 2 friends stop by, my niece's buddy down the street came to watch a movie with her, our sister came with her sister-in-law & her 2 kids and my friends Eric & Jane came with my goddaughter who I haven't seen in about a month. Marisa got a new haircut & she looks like an Asian doll. She's starting to walk with assistance and at first she was scared of our dogs but warmed up to them after a while. She's talking more and I swear she grew taller since I last saw her. I wish I could hold her and not be afraid of my swollen, tender belly getting in the way. It's nice to catch up with friends. Visitors are motivators to get my butt in the shower and I did get a few things tidied. If you look real hard with a microscope. I move like a turtle, slow and easy. I pray for more energy some days. Did I ever write that I wished my cancer was in my left foot? (I used to say right, but I'd need that for driving.) I'd prefer it there because I'd be able to breathe, eat and probably still fit in my clothes and not look pregnant. If they'd need to take if off, I think I'd handle it better.

I wasn't able to make it to mass today, but I did speak with my friend, Mac. He prayed with me over the phone and that seems to be his gift, he noticed it too. Since this diagnosis, he's been there for me and our other friends, to keep their spirits up, helping them realize not to forget the strength and love of God. He's going through his own painful moments but that doesn't stop him from being there for others and his family. There's a lot of special people in our lives, each one with their own gift and the best part is when that gift is shared.