Pain, pain, go away

Friday October 8th, 2010

All day it was pretty much that. I hate when I wake up, or am ready for a meal and starving, then I try to eat a little something and the next thing I know I'm having is severe pain in my back or abdomen & it makes me short of breath. GRRRR! I have to run to the heating pad & recliner, try to remember the last time I took a pain med, usually it's past my 6 hour mark, take one and stay in the chair, moaning, trying to get comfortable, trying to slow down my breathing until it passes. Sometimes it takes about a half an hour to subside. Dad has been kind and makes meals, but by the time I can eat it, it's cold. I'm still doing the small midnight snacks, sometimes one snack isn't enough. I'm trying to sleep and my stomach is craving "FEED ME!" I can't sleep if it's harassing me enough. Then it's the past midnight bowel cleansing. I'm still sore in my backside but if I'm passing stool, I'm glad, but that too can be several trips.

I'm also taking my Lasix, once a day, but I'm not urinating as much as I should be. I hope my belly doesn't swell and I'll be uncomfortable on Sunday. I want to enjoy the party. Why? Melissa the surgical NP called and said that they'd like for me to be admitted now on Tuesday @7am. They want to drain my abdomen that day, and surgery could be Wed. or Thurs. or next wk. I'll have to verify this come Mon. So if you don't hear from me, you know where I'll be.

Saturday October 9th, 2010

I had more energy today and a craving for ice cream, now that I can eat it. We only have scrapings of Neopolitan and butter pecan. Oh, well. I was expecting my friend, Malaika, to come by with another friend but she ended up getting sick. I hope to get some of your famous lasagna when you feel better or even after my surgery. Things to look forward to. For some reason that happens quite often to people who want to come visit, they or their kids get sick the day before. Don't feel bad if you're unable to come by, get healthy first.

Another friend, Nancy came by. She must've been reading my stomach because she had bought several single servings of a variety of Haagen Daas (sp?) ice cream. Their cute, tasty and they come with their own little spoons. FYI, I ate the chocolate chocolate chip one later in the evening. :o) It was so good, I not only polished it off but I was so excited to eat it, a chunk flew out & I got my upper arm, my dress and the arm of the recliner. I'm still a messy eater, I ate a salad for lunch and got dressing on my dress.

Don't feel guilty if you're hesitant about seeing or talking to me because of my diagnosis. I knew it'd be hard on her, her mom had passed away because of cancer, and there's another close friend of ours, who's dad also died from cancer. It took a while for him to see me too. I'm living not just for myself, I'm fighting this because of you, my family, friends, coworkers, & my patients. You bring so much to my life, life wouldn't be life without you. You helped me become who I am today. Yes, animals, reading, good food, fun times, beautiful weather, smiles, good & bad movies (I know how much Lisa & Fred loved my Rat Race recommendation), good alcohol (when I used to dabble in it), travelling,etc., it adds to life. Again, I'm a simple person, relationships are what matter to me. Being there for each other, at some point, as long as you make it known or not known, as difficult as it may be, don't worry, I understand, I've done it myself. This is a very hard situation to deal with and everyone has their way of dealing with it. I was the same way with our uncle, which I regret. I was so scared to even talk to him because I wanted to remember him in his healthier times. He was in another state when he went through his pancreatic cancer and I could've flown down to see him or even called, but I didn't. I couldn't find the courage or words to let him know how I felt. I really regret not doing anything, but I learned NOT to be afraid to tell someone you love them, especially when they're suffering, even if they're confused and not remember it later. I hope he's up there, in his Hawaiian shirt, with our mom, brother and other relatives and that he forgave me. Nancy also gave me some tips to think about to prevent family squabbles, JUST IN CASE, a good hospice program, which is the one our sister-in-law works for, Rainbow Hospice, some eating recommendations, and a few other things. I appreciate you coming by today. P.S. the flowers are lovely, thanks girl, and thanks for the tickets for the raffle.

I was still in a decent mood when she left. I had taken my pain med around 3 pm and it was making me sleepy, unfortunately my back was still cramping, but Jenny & Marie took me to get our nails done and my face waxed so I won't look like Wolfman Jack later today. My toes are a dark red with glitter and smiley faces and I chose clear fingernail polish so they won't have to remove the pretty paint job come surgery time for putting the pulse oximeter on my finger. At least I was able to get out and enjoy the remnants of the 86 degree weather today. It's 86 degrees outside, but I'm inside & I'm eating ice cream & popsicles while resting my back on a heating pad.

I normally get out Thank You cards ASAP but I'm a little slow lately, forgive me. I appreciate all the cards, well wishes, words of encouragement, hugs, kisses, back rubs, money, food, gifts that you sent or brought over, telephone calls, pictures, parties or just helping me and my family out.

As you can see, I woke up around 1:15 am Sunday and took a pain med and a snack. It's about 3:30 am and my back cramping is finally subsiding, thank goodness for heating pads, pillows and pain meds. I'm still having pain with my BM's but I got the proctofoam which Vera prescribed. I hope it does shrink the swelling and heal whatever is that's going on down & back there. I finally tried the product not too long ago. FYI, it's hard to aim the nozzle in an area where the moon doesn't shine. It did sting a bit at first but that pain went away. I hope the foam doesn't leave a mess in my panties. I'm not sure how much I sprayed back there either.

I'm starting to get a bit sleepy again. I'll try and get some shut eye, if not, I'm on row 30 of my rug. I'm a little more than half way done with it. It's coming along. Good night for now. I hope to see you all later today. LOVE EWE! :o)