Tuesday August 31st, 2010
I'm glad you're able to find me again. I didn't know of the situation of my blog not being where it used to be, I was able to find it somehow until people started calling me. Ray fixed that problem. Thanks Ray.
My technical difficulties started Sunday where I was just VERY uncomfortable and my abdomen had been getting larger. Is it ascites again? Am I just severely constipated? I was still eating. I was checking my ankles for swelling and if I had wet lungs. I know I wasn't "moving" like I should, then again, I'm eating several small meals. I started taking my Colace and prunes and felt bad that I couldn't be peppier around our guests. I guess all the fruit and veggies I've been taking in isn't enough. Believe you me, this is the healthiest I've been eating.
Sunday during the night I was up more than not in the bathroom, moving and grooving. Yeah! However come Monday morning, I was even more bloated and boy was my abdomen painful for most of the day. That's why I didn't blog, I was worn out from the pain and discomfort and who wants a whole day of someone praying to pass gas? Sorry if I'm grossing you out again, I do cross the line once in a while. Maybe I should've asked my sister to pick up something for it. I don't want to be a pill popper, you take one pill for this but for that side affect, take that pill. Let nature take its course. Thank goodness my family is now out most of the day and my dad is hard of hearing. :o) Maybe I'm stupid because my symptoms could've been relieved a lot sooner if I did take another pill. Our dad had bought me a scale to weigh myself to see if I'm putting on too much weight too soon, I'm still 147 lbs, so I'm assuming it's not the ascites? I did finally put the puzzle glue on the 1,000 piece puzzle before that gets accidentally knocked over. I'd freak if it'd fall apart. I think the box cover had been tossed out. I put the names of those who helped me work on it on the back and the date it was finished.
Monday night, same thing, bowels moving in the middle of the night. The advantage, no one else is up and the bathroom is available. The disadvantage, I don't get my sleep. My belly was feeling less tight but it's still hard to sleep, I had the munchies again which I sated with a bowl of cereal and then this roundness of an abdomen is hard to get a comfortable position with. The back pain still creeps in and the "rubbing" of ribs against my insides doesn't help. I sat up and worked on my photo albums thus organizing some of the things I brought from home.
Today one of my coworkers came to visit, Paulette. She's such a sweetheart. She brought some bacon buns, peach turnover and flowers. She had brought a special gift which she had gotten 15 years ago. She blessed my liver with this gift. She had blessed her friend with a brain tumor with the same gift and now her friend's tumor is shrinking. While I was laying down to relieve my back pain, I told her that I felt a weird tickling, tingling sensation in my liver while we had been talking. I hope it's a good thing. After she left I laid down in the bed and was able to get some relief from my back pain. I did take a nap. When I awoke I was thinking about the lysing of the cancer cells and called the lab @ the VA. I asked Renee if they can pray for the hemolysis of my cancer cells and everytime they get a hemolyzed specimen from the ER that the tumors shrink. I should be cured by the end of the night, just teasing. I LOVE YOU GUYS!
It's funny, yesterday I was all bloated with abdominal pain, today it's all back and rib pain, both sides. The abdominal pain is there but not as bad as the back pain. I wonder if I get in a pool if all this heaviness inside would just float and I'd be relieved from pain and shortness of breath. Then I can get a big dunking tank and sit in there all day. I'm trying not to always use a pillow on my back or lie flat on my back but most of the time it's the only position that works. I don't need bed sores in addition to everything else I have going on. I try to lay on my sides as tolerated. Or I could just take the Tramadol I've been prescribed. Getting rid of the cancer would be the optimal goal. I would LOVE to have an entry like that, "Thanks for all your prayers, well wishes and kindness and FYI, the BASTARD has left the building."
I do hope to feel better, my brother asked if I'd be up for Taste of Polonia this weekend @ Lawrence and Milwaukee. We've been attending the fest for the past several years, as long as I got my ride, a wheelchair, I'm set to go. They used to serve Okachim (sp?) but they had a different beer last year. Either way, I won't be having any. They have platters you can buy with potato pancakes, pierogis, Polish sausage, and cabbage rolls. That'd be well over my 2gm Sodium diet but just a taste of everything would cure my craving. I'll leave you with the thought of good Polish food.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Time is a precious gift
Sunday August 29th, 2010
Hi, it's the insomniac here getting in my usual midnight bathroom runs and snacks. I forgot to mention yesterday something very important. It actually was told to me on Friday, after Marie's game. See, I knew how bad Marie wanted to be on her varsity volleyball team and how sad she was @ not making that team. Her mom told me after her win on Friday that she had missed a few days of tryouts for varsity to spend those days with me in Wisconsin Dells. That really touched my heart. I couldn't be more proud of her, someone so young making a choice like that, to give up something you set your heart on to be with someone special in your life. I never had a child but really enjoyed helping raise her. I told Joyce & her family what she had done for me and I couldn't help but praise her and hug her and of course I started crying. Marie came to me later last night and we talked about it and we held each other's hands. I told her that I wish I was her Godmom and that I'd be her unofficial one. I remembered when she was little and I had her out & about, she asked me if she could call me "Mom". I told her "no" at that time and followed, "because if you're bad, I can say, 'Wait til we get home & I'll tell your mom'", that way people would know the misbehaving child wasn't mine. To tell you the truth, she never misbehaved. I was there when she was born and I enjoyed watching her grow with all the milestones she's reached thus far and I hope to experience more. She has a lot of good values. One fun thing I'll always remember, she was way too young to see our brother and her "gumpa" (grandpa) when they were in the ICU's at their respective hospitals when they were ill. She didn't care what was waiting for her on the other side of the door, them with their tubes and all, she told the hospital staff, "That's my uncle/gumpa in there" and she wasn't going to let age keep her from seeing them. That's what you get by having too many medical people in the family. She's been very brave and comforting when I have my little breakdowns since I started this journey. Summer is over, school is in session, it's time to let her be a teenager. Don't get me wrong, I do love my other nieces and nephew, I just spend the most time with Marie.
We had quite a few visitors over today, and not just for me. My brother had 2 friends stop by, my niece's buddy down the street came to watch a movie with her, our sister came with her sister-in-law & her 2 kids and my friends Eric & Jane came with my goddaughter who I haven't seen in about a month. Marisa got a new haircut & she looks like an Asian doll. She's starting to walk with assistance and at first she was scared of our dogs but warmed up to them after a while. She's talking more and I swear she grew taller since I last saw her. I wish I could hold her and not be afraid of my swollen, tender belly getting in the way. It's nice to catch up with friends. Visitors are motivators to get my butt in the shower and I did get a few things tidied. If you look real hard with a microscope. I move like a turtle, slow and easy. I pray for more energy some days. Did I ever write that I wished my cancer was in my left foot? (I used to say right, but I'd need that for driving.) I'd prefer it there because I'd be able to breathe, eat and probably still fit in my clothes and not look pregnant. If they'd need to take if off, I think I'd handle it better.
I wasn't able to make it to mass today, but I did speak with my friend, Mac. He prayed with me over the phone and that seems to be his gift, he noticed it too. Since this diagnosis, he's been there for me and our other friends, to keep their spirits up, helping them realize not to forget the strength and love of God. He's going through his own painful moments but that doesn't stop him from being there for others and his family. There's a lot of special people in our lives, each one with their own gift and the best part is when that gift is shared.
Hi, it's the insomniac here getting in my usual midnight bathroom runs and snacks. I forgot to mention yesterday something very important. It actually was told to me on Friday, after Marie's game. See, I knew how bad Marie wanted to be on her varsity volleyball team and how sad she was @ not making that team. Her mom told me after her win on Friday that she had missed a few days of tryouts for varsity to spend those days with me in Wisconsin Dells. That really touched my heart. I couldn't be more proud of her, someone so young making a choice like that, to give up something you set your heart on to be with someone special in your life. I never had a child but really enjoyed helping raise her. I told Joyce & her family what she had done for me and I couldn't help but praise her and hug her and of course I started crying. Marie came to me later last night and we talked about it and we held each other's hands. I told her that I wish I was her Godmom and that I'd be her unofficial one. I remembered when she was little and I had her out & about, she asked me if she could call me "Mom". I told her "no" at that time and followed, "because if you're bad, I can say, 'Wait til we get home & I'll tell your mom'", that way people would know the misbehaving child wasn't mine. To tell you the truth, she never misbehaved. I was there when she was born and I enjoyed watching her grow with all the milestones she's reached thus far and I hope to experience more. She has a lot of good values. One fun thing I'll always remember, she was way too young to see our brother and her "gumpa" (grandpa) when they were in the ICU's at their respective hospitals when they were ill. She didn't care what was waiting for her on the other side of the door, them with their tubes and all, she told the hospital staff, "That's my uncle/gumpa in there" and she wasn't going to let age keep her from seeing them. That's what you get by having too many medical people in the family. She's been very brave and comforting when I have my little breakdowns since I started this journey. Summer is over, school is in session, it's time to let her be a teenager. Don't get me wrong, I do love my other nieces and nephew, I just spend the most time with Marie.
We had quite a few visitors over today, and not just for me. My brother had 2 friends stop by, my niece's buddy down the street came to watch a movie with her, our sister came with her sister-in-law & her 2 kids and my friends Eric & Jane came with my goddaughter who I haven't seen in about a month. Marisa got a new haircut & she looks like an Asian doll. She's starting to walk with assistance and at first she was scared of our dogs but warmed up to them after a while. She's talking more and I swear she grew taller since I last saw her. I wish I could hold her and not be afraid of my swollen, tender belly getting in the way. It's nice to catch up with friends. Visitors are motivators to get my butt in the shower and I did get a few things tidied. If you look real hard with a microscope. I move like a turtle, slow and easy. I pray for more energy some days. Did I ever write that I wished my cancer was in my left foot? (I used to say right, but I'd need that for driving.) I'd prefer it there because I'd be able to breathe, eat and probably still fit in my clothes and not look pregnant. If they'd need to take if off, I think I'd handle it better.
I wasn't able to make it to mass today, but I did speak with my friend, Mac. He prayed with me over the phone and that seems to be his gift, he noticed it too. Since this diagnosis, he's been there for me and our other friends, to keep their spirits up, helping them realize not to forget the strength and love of God. He's going through his own painful moments but that doesn't stop him from being there for others and his family. There's a lot of special people in our lives, each one with their own gift and the best part is when that gift is shared.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Food fest
Saturday August 28th, 2010
This morning started with Jenny making Pillsbury Cinnamon buns and decaf coffee. How much salt is in a bun? I don't know and didn't care @ that time. Bad girl, I'll suffer when I'm bloated. I mostly ate the tops with the frosting. :o). Then Judy comes in with...Bagels and other baddies but goodies from Einstein Bagels. I was already full from the other breakfast items I snacked on, plus I only got an hour sleep since I had input my blog from yesterday.
Joyce & her family were coming later and was bringing lunch. I called Paul and told him NOT to bring anything. When they arrived, they had made 2 large dishes with rice and dessert. I don't think Paul got the call because he showed up with several Subway sandwiches. There's days where you wonder what your next meal will be, then there's days where there's more food than you know what to do with.
Later Cathy came by and nibbled on some adobo and believe it or not, we ordered a medium pizza, half pepperoni, half sausage. I only had 2 small pieces and an Ensure, the rest was eaten by Joyce's daughter & husband and Marie. One meal we polished off without leftovers.
Joyce showed me the new blog site and it's beautiful. Ray, did you do this? It's amazing. My coworkers are working on something for me and needed pictures of my cats. Gus & Joyce worked with the computer and were able to send them pics. So much for running a hard copy over, I really need to pick up on my computer skills and get over my fear of them. I guess since I accidentally downloaded "spyware" on an old one because it kept popping up & I thought it was important, I'm either gullible or stupid or both.
Just taking it easy tonight. Hopefully I'll have more energy next week. Taking a shower still takes about an hour, especially when I have to wash my hair. I wonder if it's thinning, when I comb through it with my fingers with the conditioner, quite a bit comes out. I still have quite a bit on my head so it could be deceiving. A lot of my white hairs are showing, why can't they all fall out & I don't have to worry about trying to dye my hair. It's been several months. I was told by our neighbor to check with the oncologist if the chemo I'm on allows me to get my hair dyed. If it's possible, maybe she can give me some color so I don't look my age.
I'm going to be bad and maybe hit a piece of leftover French Silk Pie, okay and I'll throw in a piece of fruit. Maybe that's the cause of my belly aching last night. I've been eating pretty decent most of the week, if you fall off the wagon, fall hard and do it with good food. Maybe I'm doing better, my bad appetite is coming back. Hey, food is my vice, I gave up alcohol back in May and I never smoked.
May you too enjoy lifes simple pleasures but don't overindulge.
This morning started with Jenny making Pillsbury Cinnamon buns and decaf coffee. How much salt is in a bun? I don't know and didn't care @ that time. Bad girl, I'll suffer when I'm bloated. I mostly ate the tops with the frosting. :o). Then Judy comes in with...Bagels and other baddies but goodies from Einstein Bagels. I was already full from the other breakfast items I snacked on, plus I only got an hour sleep since I had input my blog from yesterday.
Joyce & her family were coming later and was bringing lunch. I called Paul and told him NOT to bring anything. When they arrived, they had made 2 large dishes with rice and dessert. I don't think Paul got the call because he showed up with several Subway sandwiches. There's days where you wonder what your next meal will be, then there's days where there's more food than you know what to do with.
Later Cathy came by and nibbled on some adobo and believe it or not, we ordered a medium pizza, half pepperoni, half sausage. I only had 2 small pieces and an Ensure, the rest was eaten by Joyce's daughter & husband and Marie. One meal we polished off without leftovers.
Joyce showed me the new blog site and it's beautiful. Ray, did you do this? It's amazing. My coworkers are working on something for me and needed pictures of my cats. Gus & Joyce worked with the computer and were able to send them pics. So much for running a hard copy over, I really need to pick up on my computer skills and get over my fear of them. I guess since I accidentally downloaded "spyware" on an old one because it kept popping up & I thought it was important, I'm either gullible or stupid or both.
Just taking it easy tonight. Hopefully I'll have more energy next week. Taking a shower still takes about an hour, especially when I have to wash my hair. I wonder if it's thinning, when I comb through it with my fingers with the conditioner, quite a bit comes out. I still have quite a bit on my head so it could be deceiving. A lot of my white hairs are showing, why can't they all fall out & I don't have to worry about trying to dye my hair. It's been several months. I was told by our neighbor to check with the oncologist if the chemo I'm on allows me to get my hair dyed. If it's possible, maybe she can give me some color so I don't look my age.
I'm going to be bad and maybe hit a piece of leftover French Silk Pie, okay and I'll throw in a piece of fruit. Maybe that's the cause of my belly aching last night. I've been eating pretty decent most of the week, if you fall off the wagon, fall hard and do it with good food. Maybe I'm doing better, my bad appetite is coming back. Hey, food is my vice, I gave up alcohol back in May and I never smoked.
May you too enjoy lifes simple pleasures but don't overindulge.
First win!
Friday August 27th, 2010
This morning was another, "I had a rough night trying to sleep but now I'm hungry" feel to it. Yes hunger will keep me up even though I'm tired. I have to feed the beast. I'm still into my Malt-O-Meal phase, little did I know but I had dad pick up a box, not seeing the new box Jenny had bought. I'm set for a while now. I'm wondering if I'm getting constipated because of the chemo AND on the box it says it's that my breakfast of choice is a good source of iron. Could be? I am eating a lot of fruit too. I'm trying not to take many pills but those Colace tabs might have my name on them. Oh, the fun of it all.
After eating, I made plans with my sister, Cathy, to come get me. We had plans to visit my cats, she had to go grocery shopping, she was making dinner for us & her sister-in-law, who's visiting with her kids and I needed to run to the bank to make a house payment. Our niece was playing her 1st volleyball home game which I wanted to catch later in the day. It was about 9am & now sleep was calling me. I fed the animals and gave Widdo his am meds. I slept until noon when of course my appetite woke me again. By then, dad had left to spend more time with his girlfriend. I ate some leftovers for lunch and when Cathy arrived, I felt safe enough to shower. The bodyaches from chemo had come back and my legs were feeling a little heavy, so I used the shower stool. I'm all for any assistive devices that'll make life safer & easier. So many injuries occur in the bathroom. Keep the door unlocked in case someone has to come in & get you.
We got to the bank and when we finished, we were in the lot. Cathy got a phone call & was talking on her cell phone for a while. I gave her one important lesson, once you leave a bank, leave right away, verify everything inside the bank before you leave. My good friends parents didn't do that ONCE, their mom wanted to go and their dad wanted to make sure everything was in order when someone approached their car to rob them, right in front of the bank. The thieves got their money but they had their lives. Cathy soon hastened off the phone & we got going. You never know who's watching. Her car also doesn't have air conditioning. If anything should happen to me, I'd like her to get my car. Yeah you have to crank the A/C up to #3 for it to work, but it works. She needs the A/C, especially when our weather hits the 90's plus. Sweating out major electrolytes never did anyone any good. I know Marie's learning how to drive but I'm sure her parents will take care of her car needs when the time comes.
When we arrived to see my cats, boy Mr. Elston and Mr. Thumbalino would not stop bickering, it had been almost 2 weeks since I've seen them with all the appt.s the previous week and getting over my new chemo. It was a pleasure to see them. They had gotten mad @ me and had knocked down quite a few things off shelves and cat hair was rampant. I wanted to do laundry but there wasn't enough time to do it before Marie's game. I'll have to come back with more energy. I did manage to sweep up some major dust bunnies and use the rolling tape thing to clean off some furniture. I was feeling woosy so I had an Ensure and rested on the futon. Miss Cleo decided to come upstairs and I picked up her purring self. We went to the bedroom & I laid down with the 3 of them before it was time to go. Don't worry, my sister checks in on them for me, she feeds, gives them water and changes their litter boxes for me. She also waters my plants.
We left to go to the game. Jenny said she'd meet me in the lobby if I needed help climbing the stairs @ the school. I arrived first and let her know that I'd do it on my own. I had my pillow just in case my back or butt hurt from the stands. Slowly but surely, my heavy legs got me up there. The game was already in progress and our team was ahead. I made a mini-Flip video, since our cousin Viki gave me one @ the family picnic. Jenny soon arrived and then we were joined by our dad & Joan. They fought traffic tooth & nail to get there. Jenny was able to find a cold water bottle, I didn't care if it'd cause me throat cramps, I needed it. I took small cautious sips and nothing severe happened. It's the best of 3 sets and we won in 2. I was so happy because the balcony was HOT & HUMID = making me even more woosy, so we got to leave early. I'm so proud of Marie, she's on junior varsity and she had a lot of playing time. She made some great hits & serves. She had to stay for the varsity team to play but she came to us after her game & we were able to take pictures. Jenny stayed with her.
Dad, Joan & I went home to have Shepherd's Pie that Cathy made. Our version is cooked ground beef, layered with cooked mashed potatoes, green beans and tomato paste. I'm not sure how long or what temp. you bake it at afterwards, all I know is that I haven't had it in years. Of course Cathy made some with low salt and I snuck a little tomato paste. It was GOOD! It's a good thing we eat in shifts because by the time I finished, the guests arrived & they had room to eat. More family had come by too.
Paul helped me figure some things that Gabe had set up with my pictures on the computer and we hung out with the in-laws. I don't know if French Silk Pie is in my diet, but it was last night. I was pooped by 11pm and went to bed early. It took a while but I did fall asleep. Of course nature woke me several times during the night and a 4:30 am snack. I read a few more pages in my "Soup" book, my belly was aching so now I'm catching up on my blog. I'll finish up and hopefully get some shut eye. Insomnia is not fun. Good morning everyone, as you can see, it's now 0700 on Sat.
I know some of you want to contribute to this blog, I wrote to Ray, he'll need your e-mail addresses to add you to the contributor list and you can add your pictures and stories & they won't just end up in the comment section. If it's okay, let me know & I'll give your e-mail address to him. Thanks. :o)
This morning was another, "I had a rough night trying to sleep but now I'm hungry" feel to it. Yes hunger will keep me up even though I'm tired. I have to feed the beast. I'm still into my Malt-O-Meal phase, little did I know but I had dad pick up a box, not seeing the new box Jenny had bought. I'm set for a while now. I'm wondering if I'm getting constipated because of the chemo AND on the box it says it's that my breakfast of choice is a good source of iron. Could be? I am eating a lot of fruit too. I'm trying not to take many pills but those Colace tabs might have my name on them. Oh, the fun of it all.
After eating, I made plans with my sister, Cathy, to come get me. We had plans to visit my cats, she had to go grocery shopping, she was making dinner for us & her sister-in-law, who's visiting with her kids and I needed to run to the bank to make a house payment. Our niece was playing her 1st volleyball home game which I wanted to catch later in the day. It was about 9am & now sleep was calling me. I fed the animals and gave Widdo his am meds. I slept until noon when of course my appetite woke me again. By then, dad had left to spend more time with his girlfriend. I ate some leftovers for lunch and when Cathy arrived, I felt safe enough to shower. The bodyaches from chemo had come back and my legs were feeling a little heavy, so I used the shower stool. I'm all for any assistive devices that'll make life safer & easier. So many injuries occur in the bathroom. Keep the door unlocked in case someone has to come in & get you.
We got to the bank and when we finished, we were in the lot. Cathy got a phone call & was talking on her cell phone for a while. I gave her one important lesson, once you leave a bank, leave right away, verify everything inside the bank before you leave. My good friends parents didn't do that ONCE, their mom wanted to go and their dad wanted to make sure everything was in order when someone approached their car to rob them, right in front of the bank. The thieves got their money but they had their lives. Cathy soon hastened off the phone & we got going. You never know who's watching. Her car also doesn't have air conditioning. If anything should happen to me, I'd like her to get my car. Yeah you have to crank the A/C up to #3 for it to work, but it works. She needs the A/C, especially when our weather hits the 90's plus. Sweating out major electrolytes never did anyone any good. I know Marie's learning how to drive but I'm sure her parents will take care of her car needs when the time comes.
When we arrived to see my cats, boy Mr. Elston and Mr. Thumbalino would not stop bickering, it had been almost 2 weeks since I've seen them with all the appt.s the previous week and getting over my new chemo. It was a pleasure to see them. They had gotten mad @ me and had knocked down quite a few things off shelves and cat hair was rampant. I wanted to do laundry but there wasn't enough time to do it before Marie's game. I'll have to come back with more energy. I did manage to sweep up some major dust bunnies and use the rolling tape thing to clean off some furniture. I was feeling woosy so I had an Ensure and rested on the futon. Miss Cleo decided to come upstairs and I picked up her purring self. We went to the bedroom & I laid down with the 3 of them before it was time to go. Don't worry, my sister checks in on them for me, she feeds, gives them water and changes their litter boxes for me. She also waters my plants.
We left to go to the game. Jenny said she'd meet me in the lobby if I needed help climbing the stairs @ the school. I arrived first and let her know that I'd do it on my own. I had my pillow just in case my back or butt hurt from the stands. Slowly but surely, my heavy legs got me up there. The game was already in progress and our team was ahead. I made a mini-Flip video, since our cousin Viki gave me one @ the family picnic. Jenny soon arrived and then we were joined by our dad & Joan. They fought traffic tooth & nail to get there. Jenny was able to find a cold water bottle, I didn't care if it'd cause me throat cramps, I needed it. I took small cautious sips and nothing severe happened. It's the best of 3 sets and we won in 2. I was so happy because the balcony was HOT & HUMID = making me even more woosy, so we got to leave early. I'm so proud of Marie, she's on junior varsity and she had a lot of playing time. She made some great hits & serves. She had to stay for the varsity team to play but she came to us after her game & we were able to take pictures. Jenny stayed with her.
Dad, Joan & I went home to have Shepherd's Pie that Cathy made. Our version is cooked ground beef, layered with cooked mashed potatoes, green beans and tomato paste. I'm not sure how long or what temp. you bake it at afterwards, all I know is that I haven't had it in years. Of course Cathy made some with low salt and I snuck a little tomato paste. It was GOOD! It's a good thing we eat in shifts because by the time I finished, the guests arrived & they had room to eat. More family had come by too.
Paul helped me figure some things that Gabe had set up with my pictures on the computer and we hung out with the in-laws. I don't know if French Silk Pie is in my diet, but it was last night. I was pooped by 11pm and went to bed early. It took a while but I did fall asleep. Of course nature woke me several times during the night and a 4:30 am snack. I read a few more pages in my "Soup" book, my belly was aching so now I'm catching up on my blog. I'll finish up and hopefully get some shut eye. Insomnia is not fun. Good morning everyone, as you can see, it's now 0700 on Sat.
I know some of you want to contribute to this blog, I wrote to Ray, he'll need your e-mail addresses to add you to the contributor list and you can add your pictures and stories & they won't just end up in the comment section. If it's okay, let me know & I'll give your e-mail address to him. Thanks. :o)
Friday, August 27, 2010
Feeling better
Thursday August 26th, 2010
After another restless night and having some breakfast, the weather was beautiful outside, sunny and cool. I wanted to try and go back to sleep, but the sun kept me up. The bodyaches I had the day before weren't so bad. I had to sneak Widdo his pain medication in his moist food. At first he wasn't having it, and danced around his plate, then Buddy and Hairy started circling like sharks, that's when Widdo dove in. The fun part later was getting the liquid Clindamycin in his mouth. It's one cc which doesn't seem like a lot, but to a Chihuahua that hates meds, I don't know if what he's flicking out of his mouth is medicine, since it's clear, or saliva, because he needs to puke. His snout is doing better and he's growling @ Hairy & Buddy when they chase each other. You think it's for cute play, then they get into the "position" and that's when we interfere. "HEY, HEY, HEY!" Why you may ask? Because they're 2 male cousins dogs, enough said. When I lived at home and we only had Miss Cleo, my black female cat, and Buddy was a young one, about 9 years ago. We'd catch Buddy doing my cat. He'd be going to town with this big ol' grin on his face and she'd have this look on her face like she'd rather be doing the New York Times Crossword puzzle (smart cat). Anyway, I told my coworkers and they'd ask, "So did your cat have any puppies yet?"
Dad went to spend a day with his girlfriend, Joan. He deserves it, he spends so much time caring for me, I know he's not sick of me, but he needs time for himself and for her, so basically I had the day to myself. I spent the day on the phone, it was a VA phone marathon. I usually see my coworkers 40 hours a week but I haven't seen some in over 2 months. We'd talk every day, all the different departments, it's nice to catch up, some good stories, some not so good, but we're one big family and pray and support each other through our rough times. We especially miss each other's laughter and smiles.
I did get a few rows done in my latch hook project. I'm not sure that I'm putting all the colors in the right spot, we'll see how the finished product turns out. It's a floral print and maybe I can fudge the top with all the left over yarn that I misplaced earlier in the design. Somehow I don't recall these being this intricate with a color chart and guide, then again, our mom had gotten us panda bears, cats or more simple designs.
I had some of Jenny's cheese ravioli leftovers for lunch, I scraped the excess sauce off the top but dug out some tomatoes and tiny bits of meat. It's from Amici's on north Milwaukee. I've driven past that place a few times and she finally went with her friend the night before. That food was good, F.Y.I. She said that the interior was nice too.
David came home around 2pm so my "Home Alone" time was over. It was peaceful, I didn't have an appt., I didn't have to run anywhere, I wasn't achy, like the song says, "Enjoy the Silence". We'll it wasn't too silent, I love CSI: Las Vegas with William Peterson (a Chi-town native that Paul has seen in a few grocery stores nearby & my coworker Bill saw in a few plays) and the Miami one. The New York one is so-so, but it does have Gary Sinise. I had put on the Spike channel and got hooked.
This is what you get when you're raised by a pathologist and a nurse that liked true crime magazines, black & white gruesome pictures and all. Mom let us read them when she took us on errands. She's also was the one who raised us on horror films and would take us to the Riviera, when it was a theater, at night: a) It was cheap tickets for 10 plus kids, she'd take the neighborhood kids too, and b) they're would be double features like, "The Chilldren", "Prom Night", "Don't Go In The Woods Alone", etc.. She'd take us to the Luna too, old theaters that were scary, and it was terrifying just to go down the dark, carpeted spiral staircases to the basement to use the bathroom. Once our dad dropped us off @ the Riv, we had to step over a bum lying on the sidewalk and while in the theater, mom told us to keep our feet up, rats were running up and down the aisle. She also had pointed out that people were doing drugs behind us.
This was fun for us, now everything is so sterile and only "happy thoughts" are allowed in homes. My siblings and I used to stay up scaring each other with stories of "Cat Woman" not the Batman version. She'd come into your room @ night and claw @ your feet with her sharp nails. I believed she existed, we had kittens and one would attack your feet constantly through the bedsheets. I put it out of the room & woke to find my feet bloodied again. 20 plus years ago I was telling this story to Jenny, who's bed is directly across from the door, feet first. Then we heard someone come in the front door late @ night, then silence, we were quiet wondering who it was, we whispered that it's Cat Woman, then our sister Cathy opened the door and yelled. We screamed so loud, then we started laughing enough to wake our brother a few doors away, who got pissed. We used to make haunted houses in the basement or someone's bedroom, we'd watch scary movies in the basement, before it was refinished and the t.v. was in the corner furthest from the stairs going up. One sucker would be left behind to turn off the t.v. while the rest of us would run to the stairs. Our older brothers with the longest legs would make it to the top of the stairs, turn off the lights then yell, "THE DOOR WON'T OPEN!!!" and the younger ones stuck @ the bottom would start screaming and crying, or maybe that was just me.
Gabe had come by after work to help me with my pictures that didn't download from the other day. I really have to pick up more computer skills with all the folders and c drives, so simple for many, worse than a foreign language to me. I'll have to take notes or maybe he can start me off with the basics. When I graduated nursing school in 1993, we had floppy discs. I had a project to do @ work a few years ago and had to deal with a memory stick. Thank God my coworkers worked on that project with me, I knew how to stick the darn thing in & that's all about it. Gabe had to go back to work later that night, I offered for him to take a nap, he started dozing while working on the computer, but he said he'd be fine. He had taken me to get Brown's chicken for dinner for my family. I offered him some grub but he's a 2 meal a day man. He did take a corn fritter and had some water. Don't worry, I took the best part of the chicken off before I ate, the skin (grumble, grumble, low salt diet), and had some cole slaw which I mixed in the warm mashed potatoes, no gravy, in case I couldn't tolerate the cold. Somehow I don't think that's affecting me as much, but I don't want to experience the severe discomfort I've been warned about with the throat cramping and cold food items.
More family came home just in time to eat & watch "Jersey Shore", trash that we got hooked on. I gave Widdo his evening dose of meds and went to bed early. There was a part of the night after I got up to use the bathroom when I started having stomach pain and couldn't sleep for a while. Again, I'm praying that it's the chemo killing the cancerous cells, they say that one way they can tell is if my liver is getting softer. Please let it be. I did fall asleep again after changing positions several times and repositioning my pillows. I get a wake up call when Jenny gets Marie up @ 6:15, sometimes I'm able to doze off again, sometimes not. UGH! I'm more vampiric now than ever, dark circles around my eyes, pale due to low blood counts, up @ night, I resemble Nosferatu (except I have pink nails with smiley faces on my toes rather than his nasty nails) more those glamourous vampires in Twilight. Have a good day/night, whatever time it is. :o) ZZZZZZZZZZZ.
After another restless night and having some breakfast, the weather was beautiful outside, sunny and cool. I wanted to try and go back to sleep, but the sun kept me up. The bodyaches I had the day before weren't so bad. I had to sneak Widdo his pain medication in his moist food. At first he wasn't having it, and danced around his plate, then Buddy and Hairy started circling like sharks, that's when Widdo dove in. The fun part later was getting the liquid Clindamycin in his mouth. It's one cc which doesn't seem like a lot, but to a Chihuahua that hates meds, I don't know if what he's flicking out of his mouth is medicine, since it's clear, or saliva, because he needs to puke. His snout is doing better and he's growling @ Hairy & Buddy when they chase each other. You think it's for cute play, then they get into the "position" and that's when we interfere. "HEY, HEY, HEY!" Why you may ask? Because they're 2 male cousins dogs, enough said. When I lived at home and we only had Miss Cleo, my black female cat, and Buddy was a young one, about 9 years ago. We'd catch Buddy doing my cat. He'd be going to town with this big ol' grin on his face and she'd have this look on her face like she'd rather be doing the New York Times Crossword puzzle (smart cat). Anyway, I told my coworkers and they'd ask, "So did your cat have any puppies yet?"
Dad went to spend a day with his girlfriend, Joan. He deserves it, he spends so much time caring for me, I know he's not sick of me, but he needs time for himself and for her, so basically I had the day to myself. I spent the day on the phone, it was a VA phone marathon. I usually see my coworkers 40 hours a week but I haven't seen some in over 2 months. We'd talk every day, all the different departments, it's nice to catch up, some good stories, some not so good, but we're one big family and pray and support each other through our rough times. We especially miss each other's laughter and smiles.
I did get a few rows done in my latch hook project. I'm not sure that I'm putting all the colors in the right spot, we'll see how the finished product turns out. It's a floral print and maybe I can fudge the top with all the left over yarn that I misplaced earlier in the design. Somehow I don't recall these being this intricate with a color chart and guide, then again, our mom had gotten us panda bears, cats or more simple designs.
I had some of Jenny's cheese ravioli leftovers for lunch, I scraped the excess sauce off the top but dug out some tomatoes and tiny bits of meat. It's from Amici's on north Milwaukee. I've driven past that place a few times and she finally went with her friend the night before. That food was good, F.Y.I. She said that the interior was nice too.
David came home around 2pm so my "Home Alone" time was over. It was peaceful, I didn't have an appt., I didn't have to run anywhere, I wasn't achy, like the song says, "Enjoy the Silence". We'll it wasn't too silent, I love CSI: Las Vegas with William Peterson (a Chi-town native that Paul has seen in a few grocery stores nearby & my coworker Bill saw in a few plays) and the Miami one. The New York one is so-so, but it does have Gary Sinise. I had put on the Spike channel and got hooked.
This is what you get when you're raised by a pathologist and a nurse that liked true crime magazines, black & white gruesome pictures and all. Mom let us read them when she took us on errands. She's also was the one who raised us on horror films and would take us to the Riviera, when it was a theater, at night: a) It was cheap tickets for 10 plus kids, she'd take the neighborhood kids too, and b) they're would be double features like, "The Chilldren", "Prom Night", "Don't Go In The Woods Alone", etc.. She'd take us to the Luna too, old theaters that were scary, and it was terrifying just to go down the dark, carpeted spiral staircases to the basement to use the bathroom. Once our dad dropped us off @ the Riv, we had to step over a bum lying on the sidewalk and while in the theater, mom told us to keep our feet up, rats were running up and down the aisle. She also had pointed out that people were doing drugs behind us.
This was fun for us, now everything is so sterile and only "happy thoughts" are allowed in homes. My siblings and I used to stay up scaring each other with stories of "Cat Woman" not the Batman version. She'd come into your room @ night and claw @ your feet with her sharp nails. I believed she existed, we had kittens and one would attack your feet constantly through the bedsheets. I put it out of the room & woke to find my feet bloodied again. 20 plus years ago I was telling this story to Jenny, who's bed is directly across from the door, feet first. Then we heard someone come in the front door late @ night, then silence, we were quiet wondering who it was, we whispered that it's Cat Woman, then our sister Cathy opened the door and yelled. We screamed so loud, then we started laughing enough to wake our brother a few doors away, who got pissed. We used to make haunted houses in the basement or someone's bedroom, we'd watch scary movies in the basement, before it was refinished and the t.v. was in the corner furthest from the stairs going up. One sucker would be left behind to turn off the t.v. while the rest of us would run to the stairs. Our older brothers with the longest legs would make it to the top of the stairs, turn off the lights then yell, "THE DOOR WON'T OPEN!!!" and the younger ones stuck @ the bottom would start screaming and crying, or maybe that was just me.
Gabe had come by after work to help me with my pictures that didn't download from the other day. I really have to pick up more computer skills with all the folders and c drives, so simple for many, worse than a foreign language to me. I'll have to take notes or maybe he can start me off with the basics. When I graduated nursing school in 1993, we had floppy discs. I had a project to do @ work a few years ago and had to deal with a memory stick. Thank God my coworkers worked on that project with me, I knew how to stick the darn thing in & that's all about it. Gabe had to go back to work later that night, I offered for him to take a nap, he started dozing while working on the computer, but he said he'd be fine. He had taken me to get Brown's chicken for dinner for my family. I offered him some grub but he's a 2 meal a day man. He did take a corn fritter and had some water. Don't worry, I took the best part of the chicken off before I ate, the skin (grumble, grumble, low salt diet), and had some cole slaw which I mixed in the warm mashed potatoes, no gravy, in case I couldn't tolerate the cold. Somehow I don't think that's affecting me as much, but I don't want to experience the severe discomfort I've been warned about with the throat cramping and cold food items.
More family came home just in time to eat & watch "Jersey Shore", trash that we got hooked on. I gave Widdo his evening dose of meds and went to bed early. There was a part of the night after I got up to use the bathroom when I started having stomach pain and couldn't sleep for a while. Again, I'm praying that it's the chemo killing the cancerous cells, they say that one way they can tell is if my liver is getting softer. Please let it be. I did fall asleep again after changing positions several times and repositioning my pillows. I get a wake up call when Jenny gets Marie up @ 6:15, sometimes I'm able to doze off again, sometimes not. UGH! I'm more vampiric now than ever, dark circles around my eyes, pale due to low blood counts, up @ night, I resemble Nosferatu (except I have pink nails with smiley faces on my toes rather than his nasty nails) more those glamourous vampires in Twilight. Have a good day/night, whatever time it is. :o) ZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Why I love Jessie...
I would like to start a new thread, just as a change of pace;
I would like anyone who has an interesting Jessie story and share it on this thread.
I'll start.
(It's not exactly a story, but it's one of the first thoughts that come to mind whenever I think of Jessie.)
One thing that always amazes me is that Jessica has an amazing memory - people's names/events/what they were wearing. At least to me, she could be a walking version of Facebook.
There have been countless times, when we're attending parties, and the names of people whom I don't see on a regular basis, escape me, and I always have her at my side to remind me who they are.
She also has the ability to recall very obscure (at least obscure enough to me) stories when we're chatting about something, sometimes out of left field, but it almost always starts out, "...oh, wait, this is funny..." - and it always is.
And one last thing, I can always count on Jessie to have a camera. I'm ashamed to admit this, but a good portion of the pictures from my 20-somethings have been furnished from Jessie's camera.
I love you Jessie - and I hope you beat the snot out of this "Bastard".
Peace.
Ray
A day of rest
Wednesday August 25th, 2010
I had a rough night sleeping. I woke @ 2 am to use the bathroom and couldn't really get back to sleep. My stomach was having odd uncomfortable sensations, is it the chemo working? Then again, my Widdo was spending the night @ the vet and was feeling sick. Hairy was sleeping on their bed on the floor next to me. Ah, I put him in the bed with me. I still couldn't sleep well, even after having a small snack with an Ensure.
I did doze for a bit on & off. When I got up around 8 am I ate a little Malt-O-Meal and an Ensure. I started to organize the new latch hook project that I bought, there's 20 colors of yarn and some are quite similar, they recommend you tape one strand to the instructions so you don't confuse them while doing it. This will be a project, it's 20"x 30". I hadn't done one in over 20 years plus. Believe it or not, I'm reading the directions and even showed Marie how to do it. I think it's easier to do than the crocheting that her mom picked up again. Cathy, my sister, had been getting on me to call my classmates friend, who had kicked this cholangiocarcinoma in the butt. I told her that I'd give her a call today.
I called the vet, my dog was in line for his surgery, they informed me that they'd give me a call later when it was over. My body was aching, especially my back, arms, legs and again, my facial cheek muscles. I did fall asleep again for a few hours. Dad came home with some lunch and I didn't have much of an appetite, Ensure's been a big part of my diet. Maybe my body was too tired and sore. I laid down again to get more sleep.
I woke up around 4:30 pm, the vet called & said Widdo was a little sleepy, he's doing great and that he's ready for pick up. I was feeling wiped out but that was one of my goals today, to eat, get my dog & take a good shower. There's days after chemo where you feel so run down. By then, dad had made dinner. Afterwards, he drove me to pick up my dog. It's a good thing I threw on a house dress that I wore previously, Widdo had tinkled a little on me on the way home. While I was @ the vet, the one who took care of him is our family friend & I was given a discount, thank you. There's a lot of maintenance I have to do with him when I get home. Everyone there was very supportive of my condition. I perked up once we got him home because he was happy to see his brother & cousin and quickly ran to the backporch to baptize the puppy pad. He was more responsive and I knew he wanted to eat, he went to the food bowls after relieving his bladder. I was told to wait another hour before feeding him.
I took this time for my shower. I used the shower stool just in case. It's a good thing I did. When I was finishing, my gait was a little off, but the hot shower relieved some of my bodyaches and it just makes one feel refreshed. I guess it also stimulates blood flow. I still wonder about the amount of hair that comes out when I comb through it with my fingers and hair conditioner. To me, it's seems a lot, but I still have hair on my head.
I had the energy to feed the dogs. Oh, did Widdo eat well. I hope it wasn't too much for him and that he wouldn't be nauseated from the anesthesia. He was able to keep it down. Yeah, one less worry for me. This evening I worked more on the latch hook project, taping the edges and starting putting the yarn on the graph.
I did get a very nice phone call from Susan, my role model for surviving our cancer, she called me back. She first let me tell her of my journey, then she told me about hers. She also gave me great advice on getting to the Northbrook Wellness Center for counseling, she told me that they see the pt., family, caregivers, friends and that they're very good @ what they do. She said that she too was hesitant to talk to someone with our condition, like me, I don't know why it took me so long to call her. Maybe I was scared, but whatever, I'm glad I reached out to her. She told me to continue asking a lot of questions, to take charge of my care, she had gone to 4 hospitals to get where she is today, and that it really helps when you have a medical team that won't give up on you. I told her that I'm getting my care @ UIC, and on my last visits, how we came up with multiple plans after we discovered that the Cisplatin wasn't doing what we hoped. She shared her treatments and she told me that she had undergone surgery with the robotic knife. I told her that I'm scheduled to see those same doctors. I was told by my NP that even though they're cowboys, they'll only do it if they believe it can cure. I got off the phone feeling better and hopeful.
I continued to work on my project into the night. Again I had a difficult time sleeping, starting off that Widdo kept crying so I put him on the bed with his brother. Also the bathroom kept calling, as long as my elimination prevents me from getting my abdomen tapped again or from being constipated. Why my bowel regimen decided to switch to the middle of the night, I have no idea. Maybe it did to accomodate everyone getting ready to go to work & school in the morning hours. When I lived @ my own home, I didn't have to compete for the toilet. Also I've been getting the munchies in the middle of the night, I had a plum. I still couldn't sleep so I picked up my "Chicken Soup" book, and I got through another chapter and a half before dozing off with the light on. Sleep, yeah!
I had a rough night sleeping. I woke @ 2 am to use the bathroom and couldn't really get back to sleep. My stomach was having odd uncomfortable sensations, is it the chemo working? Then again, my Widdo was spending the night @ the vet and was feeling sick. Hairy was sleeping on their bed on the floor next to me. Ah, I put him in the bed with me. I still couldn't sleep well, even after having a small snack with an Ensure.
I did doze for a bit on & off. When I got up around 8 am I ate a little Malt-O-Meal and an Ensure. I started to organize the new latch hook project that I bought, there's 20 colors of yarn and some are quite similar, they recommend you tape one strand to the instructions so you don't confuse them while doing it. This will be a project, it's 20"x 30". I hadn't done one in over 20 years plus. Believe it or not, I'm reading the directions and even showed Marie how to do it. I think it's easier to do than the crocheting that her mom picked up again. Cathy, my sister, had been getting on me to call my classmates friend, who had kicked this cholangiocarcinoma in the butt. I told her that I'd give her a call today.
I called the vet, my dog was in line for his surgery, they informed me that they'd give me a call later when it was over. My body was aching, especially my back, arms, legs and again, my facial cheek muscles. I did fall asleep again for a few hours. Dad came home with some lunch and I didn't have much of an appetite, Ensure's been a big part of my diet. Maybe my body was too tired and sore. I laid down again to get more sleep.
I woke up around 4:30 pm, the vet called & said Widdo was a little sleepy, he's doing great and that he's ready for pick up. I was feeling wiped out but that was one of my goals today, to eat, get my dog & take a good shower. There's days after chemo where you feel so run down. By then, dad had made dinner. Afterwards, he drove me to pick up my dog. It's a good thing I threw on a house dress that I wore previously, Widdo had tinkled a little on me on the way home. While I was @ the vet, the one who took care of him is our family friend & I was given a discount, thank you. There's a lot of maintenance I have to do with him when I get home. Everyone there was very supportive of my condition. I perked up once we got him home because he was happy to see his brother & cousin and quickly ran to the backporch to baptize the puppy pad. He was more responsive and I knew he wanted to eat, he went to the food bowls after relieving his bladder. I was told to wait another hour before feeding him.
I took this time for my shower. I used the shower stool just in case. It's a good thing I did. When I was finishing, my gait was a little off, but the hot shower relieved some of my bodyaches and it just makes one feel refreshed. I guess it also stimulates blood flow. I still wonder about the amount of hair that comes out when I comb through it with my fingers and hair conditioner. To me, it's seems a lot, but I still have hair on my head.
I had the energy to feed the dogs. Oh, did Widdo eat well. I hope it wasn't too much for him and that he wouldn't be nauseated from the anesthesia. He was able to keep it down. Yeah, one less worry for me. This evening I worked more on the latch hook project, taping the edges and starting putting the yarn on the graph.
I did get a very nice phone call from Susan, my role model for surviving our cancer, she called me back. She first let me tell her of my journey, then she told me about hers. She also gave me great advice on getting to the Northbrook Wellness Center for counseling, she told me that they see the pt., family, caregivers, friends and that they're very good @ what they do. She said that she too was hesitant to talk to someone with our condition, like me, I don't know why it took me so long to call her. Maybe I was scared, but whatever, I'm glad I reached out to her. She told me to continue asking a lot of questions, to take charge of my care, she had gone to 4 hospitals to get where she is today, and that it really helps when you have a medical team that won't give up on you. I told her that I'm getting my care @ UIC, and on my last visits, how we came up with multiple plans after we discovered that the Cisplatin wasn't doing what we hoped. She shared her treatments and she told me that she had undergone surgery with the robotic knife. I told her that I'm scheduled to see those same doctors. I was told by my NP that even though they're cowboys, they'll only do it if they believe it can cure. I got off the phone feeling better and hopeful.
I continued to work on my project into the night. Again I had a difficult time sleeping, starting off that Widdo kept crying so I put him on the bed with his brother. Also the bathroom kept calling, as long as my elimination prevents me from getting my abdomen tapped again or from being constipated. Why my bowel regimen decided to switch to the middle of the night, I have no idea. Maybe it did to accomodate everyone getting ready to go to work & school in the morning hours. When I lived @ my own home, I didn't have to compete for the toilet. Also I've been getting the munchies in the middle of the night, I had a plum. I still couldn't sleep so I picked up my "Chicken Soup" book, and I got through another chapter and a half before dozing off with the light on. Sleep, yeah!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)